JOE LANGLEY 2019-01-29T11:30:52-05:00


Born nineteen-hundred and eighty-one years following the birth of Jesus Christ, Mister Schmo spent the formative years of his childhood in Ontario, California; known for manufacturing Mag-Lite brand flashlights, as of yet one of the most sturdy, dependable, and effective bludgeoning instruments our contemporary society has produced.

During his early years he smelled of vomit and/or sour milk, and usually had a vacant look upon his face. This would pass, shortly after learning the skill of walking, which he has now mastered due to the fact that he still has not learned to drive.

Somewhere along the line he ended up in Columbus, Ohio. When asked why he came here, he informs us that he was a minor and forced to follow his father wherever he moved. As to why he stays, he then mumbles something about the Wonder Bread factory periodically making the whole city smell like cinnamon buns, then loses his train of thought.

Lacking the proper grades, motivation, study skills, ability to stay awake, or even willingness to cooperate, he chose to forego college altogether, and instead learned how to tattoo for a living. His first for-profit tattoo was performed on the date of July 11th, 2000. Out of sheer stubbornness he has refused to quit since.Though specializing in no tattoo style in particular, he tends to gravitate towards new-school designs and portrait work most frequently.

At the tender age of 21 he won a gold medal in the first annual (and only) Anarchist Olympics, due to the fact that he made them up on the spot and no one in the downtown district seemed to be willing to fight him for the medal in his pocket.

In his free time he is bored, reclusive, and often refuses to leave his house. When not fighting crime with a hammer and a sickle (yes it is a deliberate theme) in a silly outfit that doesn’t leave much to the imagination, he can be found at Evolved.

For even more updates on Joe Schmo’s tattoos, check out his Facebook page and click like!